The “stuff” of an estate – Part 5
- Discussing how to deal with items that are precious to you, but those you care about don’t want them
The readers have spoken! One more column about the “stuff” of your estate.
The focus so far has been on items that are precious to your children; allocating them before you die to avoid the conflict likely to arise when your children sort it out after you’re gone.
One reader shared that her mom tried to do this but was blocked by children who were in denial about her mortality and found the topic too sensitive. Relationship-damaging conflict arose after she died.
I encourage us all to push past the discomfort.
Now we move on to items that are precious to us, but zero value to our children.
Peter’s note I shared three columns ago: “My mother, 83 years young, has a massive collection of commemorative plates, dolls, etc., that my wife is absolutely dreading having to deal with. I suspect this is a common problem!”.
An aside: thanks to Barb for identifying the sexism – why wouldn’t Peter deal with it himself?
I suspect most of us Boomers have a china collection, inherited from our parents or started at our own wedding. It sits on display in a cabinet, coming out only for the most special of occasions. If it ever comes out at all!
Barb shared about her Royal Albert china and precious silverware that she had tried to find an appreciative home for after she passes: “I have asked everyone if they want any of these items, a HUGE NO from them all”.
There’s the classic car with a standard transmission, inherited from a parent and immaculately maintained. The kids’ interest in the car doesn’t extend even as far as learning how to drive stick.
The watch given to me for my high school graduation that I’ll never wear because it doesn’t track my physical activity.
We treasure these items. But nobody we care about wants them.
It hurts the heart to realize that our treasured items might end up being picked over at a garage sale and the classic car might fall into the hands of someone who won’t care for it
Our kids know how much we treasure these items. It will hurt their hearts as well as they puzzle how to deal with them after we’re gone.
Thank you to Vince who shared his approaches with me.
He shared that he engaged in “radically unsentimental purging”. He explained: “Stuff I haven’t touched in 10 years? Sell it or give it away”.
I love that. Just glancing around my home office, I see all sorts of items that could disappear without being missed. Imagine what I could unload if I took that approach to the garage and storage shed!
Another of Vince’s recommendations: give away the precious stuff now. Maybe my grandson might get a kick out of his grandpa’s old watch. I’ll get to see his smile if I give it to him for an upcoming birthday or Christmas gift.
Barb’s brilliant solution for the Royal Albert china and silverware has been to actually use it. She pulls it out any time she has someone over for dinner. And puts it in the dishwasher! A child breaks a dish? Whoop-dee-doo!
I was surprised to learn that most china collections, including Royal Albert, don’t hold much value, with millions of sets having been sold.
Some collectibles do have real value, though. Do some research to find out.
Give instructions to your executor for how to sell those items for a fair price to avoid a rare Pokémon card or your classic car being unloaded on Facebook marketplace for cents on the dollar.
And referring back to the sexism piece: do your daughter-in-law a favour by telling her that all the other collectibles can be taken to the dump.
